Up This Road

Up this road just a few miles more
is where I lived my worst memories.
Gill. That’s the name of the town.
Lots of cows, brooks and a river.
An editor is trying to help me
push forward with my story.
He’s waiting for my adjustments.
Every time I open it, I’m triggered.
I’ve updated nothing. Maybe I should
drive to this spot, walk a few miles.
Maybe that’ll unlock my leash.
That’s the thing about severe
childhood trauma. You can lock it away,
compartmentalize, as always, but
when it comes down to it it’s
as alive as it always was. Fight or Flight.
I chose to fight. I’m stuck on FIGHT.
Up that road, just a little ways, holds some
of my best memories. Mother. Brothers. Life.

-M. Taggart

21 thoughts on “Up This Road

  1. Gill, Mass? If so, you’ll know Northfield, where I grew up during the seventies. Loved your description of Western Mass–such a mixed blessing. Beautiful beautiful land, and some limited opportunities. Guess that’s why I’m happy here in central Mass. Up this Road brought back childhood memories for me, whether or not your Gill and mine were the same! Julie

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    • Indeed they are the same. My brother attended NMH. I did not. A short story of mine won an award concerning the church located on the Gill campus- which was a legend among us children (back then lol) I’m so happy that you left this comment!!!! I live in Maine now. Do you ever visit western MA??

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      • Ha, I did not go to NMH either, but in the summers, I worked in the kitchens there. I have very fond memories of working as a “salad girl” at West Hall on the Hermon campus.
        Yes, I do go back to the Northfield area sometimes, and the Amherst area quite often. Still love the Connecticut River….;-)

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  2. Matt, always push forward. The past remains the past and does not define you. It is a part of you, yes, but does not define you. It holds only as much power and sway as you allow it. Love and light, my friend.

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  3. Really moving. Trauma and hurt can reside in a person’s bones forever. It’s just how much we can tone it down and move on with present moments. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂

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  4. Writing out our traumas, even our locked away childhood ones, is so healing and can put us on the road to liberation from their after.effects. You write very honestly and with transparency.

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  5. Your last is yours to share. If your stuck that’s ok. But fighting is the stronger choice, and it’s ok to be less strong for a little bit. But when you’re ready, stand tall and fight until that history has been exorcised and you can live in harmony with yourself. Good luck

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      • I hope you won in every single way a person could. In this life and the next. I guess the appropriate response would be you’re welcome. Clearly you’ve met too many who don’t and not enough who do. If that’s the case, well I’m Marla, and it’s nice to meet you.

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