Up this road just a few miles more is where I lived my worst memories. Gill. That’s the name of the town. Lots of cows, brooks and a river. An editor is trying to help me push forward with my story. He’s waiting for my adjustments. Every time I open it, I’m triggered. I’ve updated nothing. Maybe I should drive to this spot, walk a few miles. Maybe that’ll unlock my leash. That’s the thing about severe childhood trauma. You can lock it away, compartmentalize, as always, but when it comes down to it it’s as alive as it always was. Fight or Flight. I chose to fight. I’m stuck on FIGHT. Up that road, just a little ways, holds some of my best memories. Mother. Brothers. Life.
Into the mouth of the coffer, the ever suctioning hole, offering differences between beginning and end; it was the second look that held the opening, and this doorway led to the longest second- ensuring the first wasn’t wasted. Come in. The existence is fine.
Imagine a world where happiness during distress is considered a form of intelligence. Because that’s where our society sits. On a cliff. We watch each other knowing it shouldn’t be like this, but it is. We teach ourselves how to be led by the sound of a bell, rather than by our instincts, further dulling our true selves. Imagine if we allowed our teachers to push aside the benchmarks and utilize their love for humanity, which helped guide them to chase a dream to help make a difference in our youth- only to beat them down with regulations and to steal their very voices from their throats. What a shame it is to box up our best minds only to box up more.
Talk beautiful and watch the world collapse- Humanity disbelieves its current balance and once again painted prints are unable to cover anything in entirety, so it spreads, unending, as though it has finally found communion in the space inside our heads,
Not all roads lead to Rome. Some lead deeper into the woods. Deeper into the mountains and further from civilization. I like getting lost in thought while driving on roads that contain very little in the way of society. I find it helps to center me, and helps to calm my anxieties.