Family – mtaggartwriter

I’m sorry and I’m asking for forgiveness. From all of you, and from myself.

For nearly three years, I slowly abandoned one of the reasons of my being on this Earth. To write. It’s a simple thing and I left it behind. I’m ashamed of myself.

I lulled myself into work. I wasted my energy. I was gone often. I knew what I was doing and I didn’t stop it. When launching the company, I and my family, honestly thought it was the right thing to do. Financially, long term, wealth building, bla. bla. bla. None of that matters when you remove the essence of where your faith resides. I became empty.

I know ‘I learned’ through the process- that’s not the point. Not for me. Those lessons mean very little to me when considering that I went against my soul’s purpose. I followed a path that I thought I was supposed to walk. Ego. And, I put everything I had into it. An IT, that was purposeless. And when I realized it was pointless I still walked that dark path. I over thank when all I needed to do was listen to my soul. Something I had sharpened as a young man and managed to dull. I disgusted myself.

Just before the Lewiston, Maine, shootings something internally had shifted so strongly- I knew I was coming back. I was seeing and feeling very clearly. To the point where I knew something was desperately off. I was seeing ‘the look’…I described this in detail to family members. In fact, just hours before the shootings took place, I was on the phone with a family member talking about ‘the look’. I drove by the bar, and just a few short hours later, the tragedy took place where I had just been. My store is located a half a mile from the bar.

Days after, my decision to take my life fully back was made. Driving by the memorials that were put in place to show sympathy and love for the victims, multiple times per day, was a constant reminder, and yes, a wake up call- that life really is too short. Especially when you’re walking in the wrong direction- like I was doing.

However, finally, I’m back. I still have a few weeds trying to pull at my ankles, but weeds have never kept me down and certainly can’t stop my moving forward.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever write about what took place over the past three-plus years. Maybe in time. I’m not sure. I can best describe it like this- I was walking down a path. It slowly became dark. Everything closed in on me. Soon enough, I was alone, and still I walked into the darkness.

-Thanks for being here. To my friends on here who didn’t give up on me, thank you. I see you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.

Matt

In January of 2023 I published 6 posts on my blog.
In January of 2024 I published 15 posts.

In February of 2023 I published 4 posts.
In February of 2024 I’ve already published 2 (this being the 2nd) and it’s only February, 3rd.

This blog, and all of my friends I’ve made along the way, are important to me. I’m going to be around much more. Much much more. Much much much much more lol