My Dad would have been 66 today. It’s been a tough few days leading up to this. The emotions snuck up on me. I didn’t expect it to be like this. At night I’ve been sitting on our back deck looking at the stars waiting for him to show himself. Sometimes I play his music. I don’t always handle that too well.
I took Gavin fishing this past weekend. He met an adorable little girl who was bird watching with her mother. Within minutes they were talking and it didn’t take long before Gavin announced to them that his Grandfather died. My father was amazing with Gavin. Which, for me, was healing to see. When I was Gavin’s age my father wasn’t part of our family unit.
Thanks everyone, for the digital support and friendship. I consider of number of you friends. Even if only through these online channels, you are great people. I’m thankful for that and I’m thankful for WP. One of the bright spots for me (concerning the writing world) was Tara and her accepting a short story of mine into a wonderful horror anthology that she edited and published. Tara, I appreciate you. I still can’t find the motivation to submit any work and you were able to get that unstuck. I know I can ‘get there’ again, but I guess not yet.
So, I think I’ll take myself fishing today and see if I can find Dad.
How’s life I wanted to know. I asked the pacing doors. The hallway wasn’t the same and the smells were changing- found a grievance filled with letters floating around my head- I wonder if I’ll see him again, even if just inside a dream or two.
I think I’ll take a drive. The sky looks good today. Oh! I was able to make a muscle with my left bicep for the first time since the injury. Fun stuff! I ran into my wife’s office to show her my muscle. Yea. I’m like that. A bit of a child sometimes. But, I do it with flair so it’s all good! Seriously though, it was a big moment. Progress is good. Anyway, I hope everyone is having some form of fun. And if not, I invite you to create a form of fun. Even if you’re grumpy.
Gotta go drive, bye~!
I know this is a random post. I have a bunch of energy and simply wanted to say howdy to everyone 🙂
I was leafing through Goethe’s Poetry and Life and I came upon this phrase: “This loathing of life has both physical and moral causes…” I was sufficiently stirred by this to read on. “All comfort in life is based upon a regular occurrence of external phenomena. The changes of the day and night, of the seasons, of flowers and fruits, and all other recurring pleasures that come to us. that we may and should enjoy them- these are the mainsprings of our earthly life. The more open we are to these enjoyments, the happier we are; but if these changing phenomena unfold themselves and we take no interest in them, if we are insensible to such fair solicitations, then comes on the sorest evil, the heaviest disease- we regard life as a loathsome burden.” -Saul Bellow’s, Dangling Man.
I find this to be soul searching literature. This is the philosophy by which I live my life. Hence, my love of a falling leaf. Although that alone doesn’t summarize the depths of that simple thought/phrase. That ‘one’ leaf changed my life. I can only hope we all find a leaf of such magnitude. The proof of all things.
Saul Bellow, along with using a bit of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe’s poetry, masterfully lays out a path for any individual to break down happiness and how to apply it, if so inclined. It’s not the things, certainly NOT the things, we buy and stuff into our already full garages to show to our ‘friends’ just how far we’ve made it; at a very young age I realized just how fake that was while watching adults parade their facades.
As an adult I’ve found that writing is not only my outlet, but a space for my soul to become tangible. Whether my writing is any good or not, well that’s not for me to decide, but I will write. And I will read literature that touches my heart and forces me to look from the page and dive into my thoughts while staring at a blank wall and processing what I’ve just learned.
I wish you all the best,
I’m thankful for the support so many of you have so unselfishly given me.
Held back massively in 2020. Be prepared. I plan to post as often as I feel on this blog in 2021. However, and whenever I like. I posted 120 less times in 2020 than in 2019. This blog is the reason I’ve been published. This blog was, and is, my outlet. This blog helps carry my soul on stairs most wouldn’t care to walk on. Had a baseball bat swung at my head through my car window, glass everywhere, spit it out onto the pavement; watched the largest moon I’ve ever seen near a wide and deep river, where years before, Hell was shown to me, in front of accidental viewers: how can anyone steep in such lowness and enjoy their lust. Maybe a walk down memory lane will help clear the view. Maybe I’ll drive to the very spot, drag a few with me, and see what’s to see. The moon walks on land when we let it. Saw a dark sky asking for a view the other night.