Feed the Peace

If I write I do not starve. I am fulfilled, satisfied; my soul is at peace. To keep it from me stirs something within me which is unwell. It is best to feed the peace.

-M. Taggart

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Odd Walking Thoughts-

We looked in the mirror to rest now. Without you there would be no us. A nine year old held still, silently wishing. Scraping memory. It’s not living in the past when a trigger forces you live the past now. A hollowed tree bore resemblance to a face we once knew. The tree was dead now.

-M. Taggart

Odd Walking Thoughts – Life Is

I shattered my favorite mirror so I could have thousands of lives. Life is. A switchback. A laughing mirror. Happy Birthday mirror. Seconds count even when unseen. Curtains finally pulled back; exhaling fulfillment, expanding best thoughts even under distress, stopping only when I’ve given permission to have stopped. I’ll never be done.

-M. Taggart

Don’t Go

The thinker is often punished for thinking.

Anxiety had me up early this morning. Megan took the day off. I went downstairs, made coffee, ignored my chest, thought about my chest, picked up the living room where Gavin stores all of his toys, vacuumed, started the dish washer, did 131 jumping jacks, stretched, and indoor walked for 30 fucking minutes.

Anxiety has no schedule. I try and manage it by putting it back into its place by staying busy and thinking. I try not to think because that’s the problem. So half my plan is solid nearly all the time. All joking aside, I haven’t dealt with this serious of an anxiety attack in a long, long while. Megan took the day off for a follow up appointment with the doctor. When I found Megan bleeding to death on the bathroom floor I was flat lined emotionally. I have been for weeks. Unfortunately emotion has a way of unfolding itself if you’ve kept it hidden.

So I’m vacuuming this morning and I’m indoor walking and I’m drinking my coffee and I’m thinking when I realized what’s really the root of this particular anxiety attack. I’m going to miss Megan. She leaves on Sunday morning. Super Bowl Sunday Morning. We are both football fans. Football Sunday is a big family day for us. She’s leaving in the morning and will be gone until the following Sunday. Megan works her ass off and has created an amazing career and at times, needs to be gone. Gavin sometimes walks to the door and tries to open the door asking for Mommy. Try that one on for size knowing he nearly lost her for ever.

 

Matt

Our One

And we told him-
It went not well,
We aren’t ourselves every day

So we take the sun
With its golden rays
And we take the shadow too
‘Don’t you see,’ we say-
‘This one is you.’

-M. Taggart

Odd Walking Thoughts

It’s happened. The leaves are hush. We walk with sound brushing souls at our feet. Isn’t this how we imagined it to be? We found the tree with many faces while sliding down our steep banking- snapping small branches and carving scars into the earth as we slid. Standing, with mud in hand, we reach for the calmest face. ‘Can’t we be?’ ┬áThe calm face replied, ‘Isn’t this just as you imagined?’

-M. Taggart
copyright 2017