I have this nearly non-stop feeling to leave the house and do something. Anything. Walk, hunt, fish, visit family, drive to the ocean, cross state lines and not follow rules. So, that’s what I do. I used to say to be free in America is to be without debt. But with Covid, my feelings on freedom has transitioned. Never did I think my government would prohibit movement and daily freedoms to the level they have. Thankfully, I didn’t listen, and it felt great to not listen and to find my new freedoms by not staying put. This may very well become the most important Spring of my lifetime. Every May flower is waiting to be seen. They only need to be planted first.
Through their blank eyes they speak their dead words as if they are them. They caress their means of existence as an exhibition of ritualistic rounds, with their spittle dried around the edges of their mouths giving way for the darkness to feed among each closing and opening of their haunted caverns; they truly believe they are among the structure of it all. And exactly as they are, we see.
Driving to the pub, I knew I wouldn’t like sitting at the bar as much as if my family was with me, but I drove anyway and felt the unease of knowing how I’d already feel while at the bar with my book. I parked and looked at the entrance to the pub. It wasn’t much to look at but I looked anyway. Inside, it was much as I expected it to be. The bartender asked where my family was. I told her that they ditched me. They didn’t want to come to the pub, this time. She smiled and said that our son was handsome and that he was always polite. I like that things don’t feel as good when I’m at the pub without my family. I ordered a Guinness and read from my book, Growth of the Soil.
Yes, they see you, and the trees also bend while justice plays tricks on us all; and the closed eyes linger a little longer, smelling the darkness and seeing the nothing while ears play songs the wind knows, and the wind knows how longer will stretch longest- A note from memory plays backward. Fly away. It said. So it came again.