Poem

My 90-year-old Grandmother commented
on a poem that I dedicated to my father-

She wrote,
“No comment–Not sure what to say.”

Which was brilliant.

Though my father was not her son,
she felt my agony. She knows the man
her daughter had married
and loved at one point,
is now dead.

And she is not.

I found my Grandmother’s comment
to be oddly comforting.

Above my office window, stand three letters.
I placed them

As if they don’t matter and can be
moved at any moment.
to be hidden.
Or to charm.

DAD

My son picked them out while
visiting my mother in Masshachussetts.
He painted them blue and red.

It was father’s day weekend.
We dropped Gavin off at my mother’s house.
And drove away,.

while I and Megan went to my father’s celebration of life.

I was sick that weekend. I’m not sure what it was.

But I do like looking out my office window and seeing
DAD

as I look up

-M. Taggart

I will not let you down, Gavin.

Oh, it’s on!

I love Gavin. I’m blessed to be his father. I don’t understand how a parent could have the capacity to not love their child. And yet, so many don’t. And so many do. I’m in the ‘do’ category. I always knew I wanted to be a father. And bam! Here I am! And there he is. Looking rather serious and daring me to sink his battleship.

The doctor told my wife to call her when she starts to bleed. We had already lost one. I held on to Faith- Tell life it can’t. Gavin wasn’t supposed to be born. So we were told. Somehow Megan and I suffered a bit more though. Megan nearly died during an ectopic rupture when Gavin was nearly two years old.

Megan lived. Gavin lived. I’m trying my best to live.

Gavin won. In so many ways.

-Matt

Gavin is five. Not sure about his soul though.

Gavin with the jaw dropping line.

“In my last future I’m alive forever.” -Gavin Taggart. 6/21/21. Age 5.

****

I was sitting on the deck with Megan when Gavin landed this line on us. And who am I to tell him anything different. Gavin is five. Sometimes he says things and I look at him with curiosity and wait for more to be spoken. Maybe he’ll dive deeper into his thought process, or, he’ll switch topics and talk about a toy.

This line though….this line though…

Wow.

Gavin was awarded ‘Critical Thinker Award.’ He’s in kindergarten. Gavin was awarded the same award in his pre-K class last year. Gavin was also awarded ‘Most Creative Egg Drop’ by his peers. He selected to have an egg placed in the middle of a watermelon which was dropped from the roof of his school by their Principal. Gavin was the only child to select a food item that would literally explode at impact. It certainly did explode and the kids erupted with joy. The egg didn’t break. Gavin is five and is the youngest child in his class.

During his last week of school, the weather became very hot and humid. He was sent to the principal’s office just after recess ended. From what I understand, he was rather sweaty and walked back into the classroom with the rest of the students. It was at this time when Gavin apparently announced, “This is Fing Awesome!” Yesterday, I asked Gavin why he said that. Gavin told me that it was because he was able to run so very fast in the hot weather and that the weather didn’t affect him. The joy of a child is a beautiful and remarkable thing. Even when they choose inappropriate words to express their happiness.

I think I’ll print this out for Gavin. Maybe he can read it in a few years. Or in his last future. Love you, Gavin. I’m blessed and thankful to be your father.

Cheers everyone, I hope you don’t mind me sharing a little bit of ‘life’ with you.

Matt.

Factoids from a 5-year-old.

Yesterday I picked Gavin up from school and told him I was going to drive him to a surprise. Gavin loves surprises! I drove him to a toy store and told him I was going to buy him a toy for absolutely no reason other than that I loved him. I gave him a budget and in we went. He picked out Tyro, a blue and stretchy Dino figure.

Just as I was paying for his new toy he decided he had something to say to the friendly cashier.

“Excuse me. Do you see that human right there? That’s my Dad.”

Well, there we have it. My son acknowledged my existence as a human and also as his father. I can rest easy.

-Matt

P.S.,- As some of you know, I’m a very proud father and husband 🙂

Have a great day and buy someone a toy! lol they may just have something to say.

Academy of Trust

I noticed that my toothbrush wasn’t where I had left it.
In fact, for two days in a row, my toothbrush had been moved.
Then I realized that this has been happening for some time now.

I stopped scrubbing my teeth and looked in the mirror to acknowledge
my reality. My five year old son has been using my toothbrush.

Now- I love my son dearly, but I don’t want I to share a toothbrush.

I rinsed my mouth and put my toothbrush where Gavin had left it.
I slowly opened the drawer and spotted a brand new
Captain America toothbrush. Blue. His favorite color.

I’m not going to lecture Gavin. I’m going to roll with this.
Transition and compromise are two skills I’m continually learning.
It’s a little small, but that’s OK, I like Captain America.

-M. Taggart

Not Enough Fresh Air

Living through childhood trauma is like
breathing through bubbles.

-M. Taggart

Innocence

My son tells me he loves me
out of the blue, and
of his own accord and time.
He is the greatest gift.

I respect and love his
individual personality
and am blessed to be
in a position to help
protect his wellness.

Love is in the breath
of a child and in
their sleeping trust
of a truthful parent.

-M. Taggart

Cheers!

Loving this guy is easy 😀

Parenting

Some parents take their kids down a notch and some parents want to lift their children during their happiest moments. I sit on the side uplifting children and the others can play with their personality disorders in the mirror.

Life, Blood & Charles Bukowski

I got the dreaded call from Gavin’s school today. He’s the youngest in the entire school. His teacher told us that he’s very smart, has an incredible vocabulary, and is brave.

“Hello is this, Matt? Gavin has been in the nurses office for about an hour. He’s OK, but he did bite his tongue and it won’t stop bleeding.”

While on the way to the ER, Gavin, fell asleep. I watched him in my rear view mirror knowing blood was filling his mouth. Eventually I could hear the blood interfering with his breathing. I asked him to wake up and swallow. He did, while half asleep, swallow the blood.

I parked outside the ER and grabbed paper towel. I reached back toward Gavin. I woke him up, with the paper towel ready to catch the blood. It took a moment for him to wake, but when he did, he wore a worried look and I could see he was active with his tongue inside his mouth. “It’s OK, just spit it into this.” Gavin opened his mouth and a clot was on top of his tongue. He spit the clot, along with more blood, into the paper towel.

He never once cried.

The ER doctors opted not to cauterize the laceration. They didn’t want to cause Gavin trauma. Megan held ice to his tongue all evening and finally the bleeding stopped.

And for some reason unknown to me, Gavin bounced his way up to ‘Alexa’ our digital-voice friend whom many of you might also have and said, “Alexa, play Charles Bukowski.”

Seems Gavin will be just fine. But I’m not.

-Matt