It should never matter

We walked into a whiskey distillery in Winchester, NH
Inside was nicer than expected
Wood floors. Wood beams. Wood bar.
I stood near the wall, didn’t take a stool.
I like standing. It’s freeing for my heart.
To my left was the actual distillery
Whiskey barrels with grudge marks smiled at me
The owner is an amazing man
He’s been around the world and back
And talked to me as though I mattered
When we were ready to pay he asked
me if we could put it all on one
I looked at him, unmoving
I said, “My donkey is currently at the top of the hill.
I’m not sure which way he will go.”
He said to my brothers, “How long has he been like this?”
I liked this man as soon as we had walked into his distillery.
We talked about football, and basketball
at extent with a man sitting to our right
As soon as he told us his player was Barry SandersĀ I told him about Curtis Martin
and I wasn’t able to stop my mouth
about Jayson Tatum and his talent
His footwork
His intelligence
We walked from
this place
with a step
loving life
even though
we were the only
white boys

-M. Taggart

 

Don’t Go

The thinker is often punished for thinking.

Anxiety had me up early this morning. Megan took the day off. I went downstairs, made coffee, ignored my chest, thought about my chest, picked up the living room where Gavin stores all of his toys, vacuumed, started the dish washer, did 131 jumping jacks, stretched, and indoor walked for 30 fucking minutes.

Anxiety has no schedule. I try and manage it by putting it back into its place by staying busy and thinking. I try not to think because that’s the problem. So half my plan is solid nearly all the time. All joking aside, I haven’t dealt with this serious of an anxiety attack in a long, long while. Megan took the day off for a follow up appointment with the doctor. When I found Megan bleeding to death on the bathroom floor I was flat lined emotionally. I have been for weeks. Unfortunately emotion has a way of unfolding itself if you’ve kept it hidden.

So I’m vacuuming this morning and I’m indoor walking and I’m drinking my coffee and I’m thinking when I realized what’s really the root of this particular anxiety attack. I’m going to miss Megan. She leaves on Sunday morning. Super Bowl Sunday Morning. We are both football fans. Football Sunday is a big family day for us. She’s leaving in the morning and will be gone until the following Sunday. Megan works her ass off and has created an amazing career and at times, needs to be gone. Gavin sometimes walks to the door and tries to open the door asking for Mommy. Try that one on for size knowing he nearly lost her for ever.

 

Matt

Chillingly Beautiful – Western Mass III

Western Massachusetts is a chillingly beautiful region where creativity comes from blood. -M. Taggart.

Springfield-MA
June 01, 2011 Tornado, Springfield, MA was home to a devastating tornado. I remember watching this image live. I’m sure many remember the same. Photo credit Brewbeer22.

 

Church
This church, located in Gill MA, has been the structure for nightmares for many youthful adventurers. Including myself.
Turners
Turners Falls Indians. As a teenager I was called a river rat. I told them proudly, ‘No. I am a Turners Falls Indian.’

 

Sunderland
Sunderland, MA. Autumn is here. Visit Route 47 and enjoy. You’ll find great views, restaurants, and a number of small farms offering apple cider and maple sugar. After graduating from the School of Management at UMass Amherst I enjoyed living in this town for a number of years. Photo credit John Burk.
brimmfield
A tornado can’t last in the mountains. They can. They will. This is the same June 1st, 2011 tornado that started in Springfield, MA. The tornado was on the ground for over 30 miles. Photo credit wellfleetosprey.com

 

turners mills
Turners Falls, MA. I feel admiration for the structure that was. And for the town. It’s simple when we let it be. I can’t get enough of these old mill pictures. Photo credit WWLP.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this, you might enjoy my short story. Cheers.