I remember the shower had mushrooms
growing on the wall
Much of the ceramic was busted
The water fed them
I was young
I ran across the street
and hid in the ravine
it was better than
being at the house
I agree, and that’s why I drink my thoughts, and not my nothing after. to see a thing is to know to be the thing, unless you are that thing, then things get a bit more about you. Find a bulb and never build on top, build below, and watch. A thing is a non-crawling on your mental wall, with your approval, none-of-which.
My voice is louder than most, because I write it down, not because I shout.
When a stranger looks back
The mirror is showing truth-
look again all you want
My fingers are strong,
so I think I’ll type a bit more.
Set up my new desk this evening.
Having scotch to celebrate.
The old desk was tied
to my abuse.
Told myself it was OK.
How many years did I write on that?
How many rain drops fell.
Life is what we make it.
Unless you’re a child without a choice.
I’m disappointed in you.
Raising your fist,
in front of a child.
When the time is right,
I’ll tell you this to your face.
As I told you exactly what I thought
There’s no excuse for abuse, old man.
How’s your shame feel?
If you read things correctly-
Not your strongest characteristic-
You saw the disappointment
in my eyes, as you threatened to hit me
while your hand clenched my shirt,
fist back and raised.
I stared you down.
I never raised my hands.
No need to.
No Grandfather should act this way
in front of a three year old.
And no father should put his finger
in the face of his daughter
and Yell, “Shut the Fuck up.”
That was the moment
you lost the entire narcissistic game you put into place.
Can’t bully a man like me.
I look forward to our next meeting.
I look forward to what I’ll say.
See, while in jail, I was told,
“Use your words.”
Seems to me you should chase wisdom’s tail.
Seems to me you never knew who you were, or are;
facades until completion won’t amount to truth.
I’ve had a lifetime of hardships.
I’m Not a follower.
Told you this.
You didn’t listen.
A narcissist never does.
They say to not call a narcissist out. I disagree. I did. And I will continue to. Their rage is that of a five year old child. Small. Weak. I’m a narcissists worst nightmare.
No, I’m fine, just don’t be like how I was today. The boy looked in the pool of water he’d been stepping in. He lifted his boot from the water and watched the rings form and push outwards, “No! Outward!” His father slammed the door. The boy smashed hit boot into the ringlets with no face. A space fell between them all.
My father had gone away
Put the car in reverse
and left us
I walked to Gram’s house
found her inside
still thinking of his mistake
I was nine
can I be here
the more you understand about an abuser
the more you hate them
They tell you not to-
Don’t lean on anger.
Anger is the wall
that broke through!
So fuck the talking heads
that tell how to feel
when they weren’t the ones
peeling their minds off
at the age of five.
my name is reason,
logic is my cousin.
Nothing is as accessible as our own thoughts.
Yet we twist, pull, harm,
and even hide them on ourselves.
It seems especially so when
pertaining to our mental health.
We know the truth. We know what to do.
But life’s tracks laid in front of us aren’t
always a thing of beauty and taking
the correct action can often mean
destroying lives. Ah, the pull of loyalty
on a child’s heart is to pull them into
tiny pieces- pieces that don’t always
fit back together,.