I’ve been up to something lately, only I don’t understand what it is. I’ve been walking into empty rooms in our new house and looking at the walls. Or, out the window at the mountainside. I look to see if deer have left new tracks in the snow. I saw a coyote a few days ago in the middle of the day. That has nothing to do with what I’m trying to express.
I know I’m up to something. We have been out straight for nearly two years while the build of our new house took place. Now that we’ve moved in and I have my office space back it’s as though a part of my missing-self has been replaced. So while I’m outside shoveling snow, I feel a tugging toward my office. Toward me. Toward writing.
I love severe weather. I love the snow slamming down in frigid temperatures while the wind howls. That’s where you’ll find me, with it, in it, living to find what makes living worth while after having lived some things I never should have. But, I did. And that’s how humanity goes. Either enjoy the storm and the potential of losing power in the middle of the night, or.. Fuck it. There is no Or. Enjoy what you can before someone tries to tell you how to be. Or, what the ‘Or’ is. That’s a dangerous moment in life.
I’ll keep walking into rooms with no purpose while the rest of me figures it out. And then when that happens, it’ll have happened.
Cheers my friends.