I’m happier today.
I’ve never been one to sloth around in depression
but I do realize I’ve recently been in a place where
I could again do things most wouldn’t; things I need
to never repeat. It’s not a friendly piece-of-mind that
still lives within me. They say trigger words are real.
No shit. The people that learn this are the same that
say, after the fact, “That’s not you. You’re not like that.”
Maybe if people listened a bit more and learned about
what triggers victims, maybe they wouldn’t be so confused.
And notice the statements are control statements.
They just don’t get it.
I realize this may make very little sense to some who will read this.
But to the young eyes that fall onto these words that do understand,
when you feel your anger rise after being triggered, know that you are not alone.
I still struggle controlling that part of me. I’m not sure that it ever goes away.
But I can tell you that I survived the self-hate and self-abuse and I am happy.
You can be happy too. If you come into a situation that will likely trigger
you, leave. If they care enough to know, they’ll ask later. If not, don’t worry about it.
And don’t worry about them. Keep leaving and keep removing yourself from
trigger points. WE see them a mile away. Walk away and build yourself. Develop.
I wish I had someone who knew about this when I was young to talk with.
But that’s now how shit works,. is it. We know this. We know a lot of things we shouldn’t.
And we also know it’s not just words that trigger. It’s places. It’s being in a room that
once housed your nightmares. It’s people, places, things, smells. It’s so complex it may
feel as though it’s impossible to separate yourself from them, but it’s not. It is possible.
You’ve made it this far and you’ll make it to where I am. It’s worth the journey. Start by
listening to yourself. When someone tells you that you don’t know everything, tell them you do. It’s likely you’ve intimidated them. That’s on them. In my opinion you are different in all the ways that make different amazing. You will see life in such clarity that it will be difficult to connect with others. At times. This too will pass. You’ll find who you were meant to be with, and around, and then watch how incredibly fullfilling life can be.
I’m much like you. So maybe I’ll see you around sometime. Be well. Be True.