Overcome Hardship, lead, and live well.

My family is riddled with suicide
I myself am not suicidal
Quite the opposite. I love life.
In fact for much of my life I’ve experienced
Jealousy from others over my ability
To be happy in terrible situations
And unfortunately I’ve been forced to live
through a few extra ordinarily bad situations
But that’s OK. I learned to enjoy watching leaves drop
And how to find solace in the darkness of my eyelids
Nothing is too large for me to handle
My confidence, I’m forced to shade, yet people still see
And it bothers them
And so be it
I was the one ready for the midnight phone call
When he said he’d taken the pills
With the alcohol and that he’d be dead soon
I was the one on the phone when the police
entered his home with the paramedics
Listening to him scream for them to leave
I was the one who calmed him
The one that walked his mind to the ambulance
to thank the police and EMTs for trying to
let him live
I called the hospital they were taking him to
I was on the phone with their personnel in the
Emergency room while he was being wheeled in
‘Yes, we’ll have a psychiatrist sent in as soon
as they empty his stomach. Thank you for this
information.’ I had to tell them things he would
not have. The root of his weakness.
I don’t know why these things happen
I know that I am blessed because these moments
are never too large for me.
He is now happily married and an amazing father
And one of my favorite people on this Earth
I told him two years before he tried committing suicide
that he was going to try to end his life
So when the phone rang and I saw the number
I was ready
Because I’ve already lost too many family members
this way
So no, I am not suicidal, but I write about death and suicide
because I know it well and I know its pace
and the path it takes
I am not afraid of death
I am concerned with the process which leads to death
I think to die well matters
And if you haven’t found your absolute truth of
how this all works
Well, I hope you do
Because I know beyond doubt
That we are not alone

-M. Taggart

Thanks for reading. This wasn’t easy to write.

27 thoughts on “Overcome Hardship, lead, and live well.

  1. You told them things he would of told them,only certain people can dig that deep Matt,I’m glad it ended in the way it did….writing is another form of healing,you know too
    Your a good man Matt,I can hear in your words As Sheldon Yoursly

    Like

  2. Hearing your experiences, I’m reminded of something I’ve noticed and been curious about. We all encounter hardships or losses. Some of us seem to be dragged down by them while others of us get jolted further alive. While I happily choose living more fully with each bump, I haven’t yet found a way to reach or encourage those who use their events to add to their sense of suffering.
    Your words seem like one way to invite in that courage or openness.
    Thank you. πŸ™πŸΌ
    Vincent

    Liked by 2 people

    • I believe I am here for specific reasons. One of them is to write while giving a path to the other side of trauma. You completely picked up on that. It is by design. It was a pleasure reading your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I loved this, and I am sorry. Seems all too common anymore, people feeling they can’t go on anymore. I am glad he is alright now and doing better.

    Like

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